Saturday, April 21, 2012

Where I make no attempt to make sense....

Well, damn. Out of gold again. Once again too much month and not enough paycheck. But it's okay. I'll call my off-shore banker and have her move some funds around. I swear I keep a lit match in my pockets, so many holes get burned through them. Okay, this is so not a problem, this is happy -- my phone has been bugging out for some time, and it is my technological life-line: during any break I have at work, I can't check messages from my family on Facebook, nor approve a comment on my blog, nor jot down any personal writing I may have on my work laptop, because "they" will own it, so I must have my phone/mini-computer. To say it's frustrating to be in a paradoxically challenging position (I am in charge of helping others be tech-savvy) and then not having half of my tools to do so is well, quite frankly maddening at times. (This makes me think of a comment of a player friend who has recently visited China, so I guess I shouldn't complain about constraints of information.)

To repair this technological grappling hook (aka cell phone), I used a recent boon to purchase an i-phone, complete with Siri. I am having trouble with my i-tunes, and there is some issue with my bits and pixels being strewn all over the Interwebs, like abandoned flies and beetles, sucked-out carcasses of discarded data.

So, I'm a mess. Or my data is. I am data, therefore I am?

So much of a mess, on my two accounts, I need to clean up and stream-line a bit. Having two accounts is excessive. I log on and see players logging onto Diablo, and most players who wanted the MoP beta now have it, including me. The invitation is sitting in one of ten email accounts like some lost ball invitation, and the shoes don't fit. As I am sitting here trying to choke down more coffee so I can function on my 5.5 hours of sleep, thinking about all the ways things just get out of control. I may need to clean up my blog roll--which brings up this blogging etiquette: just because someone doesn't have my blog on their roll, it doesn't bother me. I don't blame them for not putting this mess on their clean blogs. I am not being facetious, either--really. This place is a damn mess. Wish I had tidied up a bit first. If you smell Lemon Pledge and bleach, it was my attempt to mask the clutter and junk.

My washing machine broke recently, and the dust bunnies turned hostile and created new horrors: undead armies of plastic laundry soap caps, a hammer, old warranties, and 77 cents in a mix of pennies, half-dollars, and other change crawled out from underneath the alter of suds and agitated filth.  It's fixed, but the laundry has not gone out and washed itself. Maybe it was scared of the loose change and gunk.

I knocked down a mirror/coat rack the other day.

I had an exhausted meltdown earlier this week.

Zep went into a Zul with one of her most dependable running buddies, and fell off of not one but three cliffs, eaten by biting fish, and two bridges, and was pushed by trolls and slapped around by bridge ogres or whatever the hell those things are. Effing Zuls.

But she got enough Valor Points to get a higher level robe. Should she buy the helm? Nah. Robe is better.

Realized last night, long after the "receipt" expired I already had the damn thing.



This was the penultimate event of yesterday. The morning started with me calling an early morning meeting to deliver bad news, and a little trustworthy bird told me that indeed, there was a real life troll digging for dirt on me. It confirmed my suspicions, and another little bird said, "Hey this is like Game of Thrones!" and while I struggled with who was Cersei Lannister or Catelyn Stark in the scenario, the bottom line is I don't play real-life 'games' well at all. Like, AT ALL. I am too much in my own head, my own life, love, and duties to put much thought into others machinations and Machiavellian* maneuverings. I am always dismayed when others show their true puce-colors.

"Penultimate" means next to the last. So there was one final thing: Senor, thanks for making me smile, not ever, ever allowing myself to take myself too seriously, and reminding me of cool things once again.

So--here is from Cymre and Vidyala: Anyone else out there who makes your day? Of course my close (blogging) friends-but every one who chose to put me on follow - they rock, I read them, and they make my day.

And I have many stories/posts half-started, too. I know why I hesitate to write some--because there are trolls out there who would try to make fiction into fact, and I can't have that.

Do any of my fellow writers struggle with that? Having to censor one's fiction because of outside forces or judgments?

In any case - onward. Got get a hold of that banker.

*Cool! I spelled it right the first time! Maybe my brain is coming back!


  1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who buys things they've forgotten they bought and stashed in the bank.

    I so hate games, I would be a horrible politician. I only enjoy them in books or movies, not real life.

    Many years ago I lived in a land far away where wisdom was written on transportation devices. One I always remembered was:

    Even today is not for me.

    I hope your tomorrow is better. OH! Someone has a painting of these transportation devices!

    1. That is a powerful painting indeed -- all is better, thank you. It is the moment a friend smiles, or someone I love says something nice. I have so many blessings, and I believe sometimes games are all others have, which is sad, isn't it? Oh well. I have a plaque that says, "Be careful, or I'll put you in my novel." People really should heed my posted warnings.

  2. Whoa 10 email accounts? How do you remember them all? I only upgraded my phone about a year and a half ago and it was my first smartphone. I really don't know how I lived without one for so long.

    Glad to read things are looking up for you since you posted this Matty.
    Oh and thx for the link love :)

  3. Well, there is my basic one, one for work, one for a consulting business, one for WoW, one for other blogs, a few for writing things, a one for another business, and then --see how that happens?

    We all have rough weeks. I am not sure if Siri and I are going to get along--I was joking that I don't want to take orders from a female voice (I know, right?! What is wrong with me!? and finding myself saying 'please' and 'thank you' to 'her.' Cross-dressing rogue said Oh, no..Siri must be whipped into shape and do my bidding. I can just hear her sending him text messages at midnight, trying to lure him off...she had better learn she is MY minion...remind me to update the checkbook, woman! :)

    1. That reminds me, I've been meaning to ask. Does Matty have a writer's blog out there under an assumed name?

      Every once in a while I'm sure I hear her voice and wonder if it's Matty in disguise.

    2. Yes and no - there's a very old one I started about two years ago, but that is part of the 'cleaning up' process that is going to take a few weeks. I'd be interested to know whose Matty's 'ghost in the machine" is - :) Ghost writer, get it? :)

  4. "I don't play real-life 'games' well at all."

    My old boss made Lucrezia Borgia look like a sweetheart but unfortunately, in order to do my job ("interviewing" people for a Government dept), being able to play games was mandatory. They sent me on an interviewing course and the first thing the guy said was "everyone lies". Just like House, he was right but when you're working with lies all day long it effects how you treat everyone else. Having to put a mask on when you go to work takes it's toll. I think that's why I love the internet, having spent a lot of my working life "hiding", I like the freedom to be me on-line. Sadly, because of my husband's job and the fact that we're having to move, it looks like I might be going back to that sort of work again (You never really escape, you just think you do!). In which case, I'll need WoW and blogging to keep me semi sane.

    "And I have many stories/posts half-started, too"

    There are 179 drafts in my drafts folder. Some are just a couple of lines, others I could just hit publish on. I haven't for various reasons, some are perhaps too personal others I know will inflame or annoy people. The little devil on my shoulder keeps yelling "publish and be damned" but since he's got me into all sorts of trouble in the past, I'm trying to ignore his seductive whispers.

    In the end though, remember the Borgias, the Lannisters and their ilk, tend to come to sticky ends and even Machiavelli was tortured. Your Troll will get his or her deserts at some point, maybe not head-butted by an angry goat off a bridge but you never know, stranger things have happened (I don't suppose your novel is a reworking of classic Norwegian fairy tales by any chance?).

    Regardless, I love the way you write, it reminds me of some of Edwin Morgan's work, prose masquerading as lyrical poetry.

  5. Erinys, I love your writing/blog, too, very much so. I hope your move brings good things, too--change is always such a mixed bag, but it is inevitable. And I needed that, more than I can say - feeling quite chalky these days. Left a poor little Ash-Witch out there all alone-- maybe if I get out in the fresh air it will help clear my brain of others' toxins. So happy, so very very happy, to be part of this blogging community.

  6. Unfortunately, I have to be the opposite, I DO play real life games well. This might make me a bitch, but people learn not to play that game with me. But I am not out there to pick on people or hurt people, but woe betide anyone who wants to do hurt me or my friends. But that aside, I wish I was there to defend you Matty because that Cersei would get her what-for big time!

    Oh I am like Erinys - the amount of drafts I have.... it's crazy. Some of the stuff is controversial, and I wrote it to get it off my chest, and perhaps it's not appropriate to publish.

    I have to say Matty, this post was like a billiard ball, struck by a master pool player. I followed the ball each acute angle as your mind worked it's way through all those points which were troubling you :) Phew, what a shot!

    1. Navi, if there's one person I would want on my side, it would be you. I guess I should clarify games - I don't start them. I derp along, doing my job, helping others do theirs, and then am always shocked when others don't. I told a very dear friend the powers that be took a very challenging but lovable job and made it a nightmare show. The greed and avarice in all institutions mystifies me. But like you --woe to them who attempts to harm loved ones or the innocent. I am a paladin, with a very big shield and sword, and righteous defense on my side, along with a few angels.

      Love the pool analogy - now I am thinking about being stuck behind 8 balls!


Thank you for your comment!